Why do they hate me? The actress Shilpa Shetty talks to Big Brother  

They're in big bother
As Big Brother is deluged with complaints about racism directed at an Indian actress, Caitlin Moran argues that the three women responsible have gone beyond playground bullying into more dangerous territory
 
 

Join in the debate on the Celebrity Big Brother blog

 
 
Danielle Lloyd, WAG, Jo O’Meara, former member of the pop group S Club 7, Jade Goody, reality TV star, and Jade’s boyfriend Jack Tweedy, who does nothing, are sitting around a low coffee table in the Celebrity Big Brother house. They are discussing a meal that has been cooked for them by Shilpa Shetty, Bollywood star and fellow contestant. After giving Shetty a series of confusing instructions on how to roast a chicken — a dish that Shetty, as a film star from India, has never cooked before — Goody, Lloyd and O’Meara claim that the chicken was underdone.

“I just don’t want her hands in it. Where have those hands been?” “Is it India where they eat with their hands? Or is that China?” “No wonder they’re all so thin there — they’re eating Shilpa’s chicken.” Earlier, Tweedy had called her a “c***”, adding, perhaps unnecessarily, “I hate her”.

For the past three days Goody, Lloyd, Tweedy and O’Meara have found a sense of purpose in the otherwise dull Celebrity Big Brother house in bitching about Shetty. They have called her a “dog”, talked about how they hate her and complained about the food that she cooks. Through a simple but effective series of facial expressions, postures and sighs, they have let Shetty know that she is not like them.

 
Shilpa Shetty under fire from Jade Goody and Danielle Lloyd

Instead, Shetty’s friends in the house are the older inmates who might have a better understanding of what it’s like to feel marginalised: Cleo Rocos, a Brazilian; Jermaine Jackson, an African-American; H from Steps, a gay man; and Dirk Benedict, who is from The A-Team and therefore a citizen of the world. It is with them that Shetty cries, and asks “Why am I so despised?” and when H from Steps — about as much use as a chocolate teapot — fails to give the right homily, replies on his behalf: “Girls are supposed to attack when they feel threatened. Maybe all this will make me a stronger person.”

While one is always aware that what we see on Big Brother is only one of many possible stories — in the US edition of the show they openly credit the “storyline editor” — it’s undeniable that Shetty is having a bad time in the house. Her ordeal has often made uncomfortable viewing, not least in the days before Jade Goody’s mother, Jackiey Budden, was voted out. Jackiey refused to learn Shilpa’s name, referred to her as “the Indian” and asked her if she lived in a shack (somewhat ironic for those who saw the state of Jackiey’s South London flat on ITV1’s 60 Minute Makeover: Budden kept her cooker in the bedroom).

Either way, over the past week the issue of Celebrity Big Brother’s live celebrity bullying — is it racist? Should Big Brother stop it? Why has Channel 4 not set up a premium-rate phone line for us to ring and ask all these questions? — has become big news.

More than 20,000 viewers have complained to Ofcom about the “racist” bullying. Jade Goody has been dropped by the charity Act Against Bullying, with her picture removed from its website. Keith Vaz, the Labour MP, has even tabled an early day motion calling on the show to “remind housemates that racist behaviour is unacceptable”. There is widespread outrage in India and the Indian Government is taking it seriously enough to warn Gordon Brown, coincidentally on a visit, of a diplomatic crisis. The show’s sponsor, Carphone Warehouse, is said to be “considering” withdrawing its £3 million sponsorship — although it may equally have been “considering” how to get mentioned in the biggest story of the week.

The whole ongoing incident has provoked a series of debates, some wideranging and interesting, others as mad as a box full of hair. Germaine Greer, for instance, waded into battle in The Guardian yesterday with the interesting accusation that it wasn’t bullying and that Shetty had brought the whole thing on herself, “acting” her distress to get the other, dimmer contestants into trouble.

The other, more intriguing, suggestion is that Goody, O’Meara, Tweedy and Lloyd are not being racist at all; they just genuinely, passionately and ardently hate Shetty, for herself. It is after all, as Channel 4 initially claimed, “girly rivalry”. Shetty is, unlike the others, a welleducated, beautiful, upper-middle-class movie star who speaks eight languages and has servants — but also, as pointed out by Hari Kunzru in yesterday’s Guardian, has the “occasional nerdiness and pomposity of the well brought-up Indian”. Goody, O’Meara, Tweedy and Lloyd do not hate her skin, merely her nerdy, pompous soul.

 
Jo O'Meara, Goody and Lloyd discuss their disagreements with Shetty

As final proof that this is all simple, healthy bitch-fighting rather than anything more poisonous and pernicious, it is pointed out that Jade Goody is herself mixed-race — her father is half black. The conclusion is that the whole affair is, actually, the result of a racially well-integrated Britain, comfortable in its differences, where young women can take the p*** out of each other’s ethnic heritages without anything more sinister going on. The good news, say defenders of Goody, O’Meara, Tweedy and Lloyd, is that they are bullying Shilpa just like they would a white girl.

This, however, ignores the fact that racism, like any prejudice, works like a dimmer switch of fear, ignorance and insensitivity, with most people placed somewhere on the continuum. Racism has a wide span, from discomfort on finding yourself alone on a bus with a black hoody to going the whole hog and naming your child “Oswald Mosley Jnr”. And it is something of which black, Asian and mixed-race people are just as capable as whites, making Goody’s ethnicity wholly inconsequential.

Nonetheless, in 2007, wherever you lie on the continuum, even the most ignorant person must be aware that doing “bud bud” Indian accents and joking about starving Indians touches a much deeper and more dangerous hurt than, say, a “mean Scot” joke. In a post-PC world it’s easy to claim that offensive words and phrases are being used in all manner of different, ameliorating contexts. However, ultimately, if you hate someone and use the weapons of racism because you know they will hurt, is that any different from just being racist? You are still doing the impolite, taboo thing in a desire to debase the other person.

With this question, Celebrity Big Brother has opened up another moral, philosophical and epistemological debate — as well as gifting us the sight of Leo Sayer fighting his way out of the house (“F*** off! Just f*** off!”) after being asked to wash his own underpants. Before the racism-row publicity put a million on the viewing figures, this series was regarded as a failure (incorrectly, as average ratings were down only slightly on last year) but now it is once again providing a fertile, swampy source of conversation.

The most interesting facet of the whole thing, however, is the near-certain ruination that the protagonists face. While Shilpa will come out of the affair with considerable public sympathy, her enemies will experience the nearest modern-day equivalent of a lynching. Before the bullying began, O’Meara could have looked forward to a new record deal or, at the very least, a spell in Grease. Now no one will touch her with a bargepole. Likewise Danielle Lloyd, who was shaping up for an easy few years on the arm of Teddy Sheringham as a top-rank WAG.

But the most extreme fall from grace will be Jade Goody’s. Since appearing in Big Brother in 2002, Goody has had the great good luck of landing as her agent John Noel, the man who also represents Russell Brand, Davina McCall, Dermot O’Leary and Sadie Frost. She has carved out an extremely lucrative career — her wealth is estimated at £8 million — from being Britain’s pet chav.

When she does something classy or “right” — lose weight, dye her hair — the gossip magazines applaud her. When she does something plebby or wrong — gain weight, enter a marathon without knowing what a mile is — they laugh at her. Either way, she has traded on her image as a candid, flailing member of the underclass: the girl who thought that “East Angular” was abroad and that the eyes on peacocks’ tails were real.

In an unintentionally poignant moment last week, Jade purposely sought to emulate these easy, career-defining nonsequiturs in an odd speech about Eskimos. “How come Eskimos haven’t turned into ice-cubes?” she asked in an oddly assumed, little-girl voice which was presumably meant to be endearing. “Everyone’s got water in their eyes. How come there’s never been a boat of Eskimos that have come over here? I’ve never heard of that. When dolphins talk to each other, do Eskimos sound like that? Like, UUUUUUUURK?”

It felt as if this speech had been guided by a previous conversation about “the Jade brand”, market consolidation and using the exposure of Celebrity Big Brother to move on to the next phase of the career — which is, presumably, to get the series Jade’s PA on to a channel more important than UK Living.

But of course, even as she spoke the agenda had moved on to bigger things. The Big Brother bandwagon was finally rolling away from her. And, as always, the people in the driving seat, cracking the whip, eating peanuts and enjoying the view, were Endemol and Channel 4.

A CLASSIC CASE OF ENVY

Anyone watching Shilpa Shetty rise above the taunts of Celebrity Big Brother’s three wicked witches will recognise a clear example of lifestyle envy. A young, glamorous film star, still at the height of her career, was always going to fall foul of the jealousy of those three. Add the enzyme of cultural differences and it all sounds more like an episode of Mind Your Language than William Golding’s Lord of the Flies.

 
Shetty wipes away tears after more insults

Shetty’s experience is a classic case of playground bullying that disguises not just racism but also professional resentment and a lust for the Bollywood star’s natural elegance. Newcomers everywhere have had similar experiences: ask the Irish, the UK’s Windrush generation or Britain’s Chinese communities.

Growing up in Glasgow in the Eighties, I remember coming back after the long summer holidays to find that a new pupil had joined our secondary school. Arash was the first Iranian whom anyone at the school had ever met. Overnight, all the old enmities (white versus Asian; poor versus rich; good-looking versus Ugly Betty) disappeared as our Iranian newcomer was singled out for his looks, his use of English and his poor grasp of cultural references. His inability to pronounce the word “ penis” during a biology class only added to his agony. He pronounced it “pen is”. Racism undoubtedly played a part in how he was treated — but class differences and envy were just as important. Bullying thrives on the inability of the victim to come back with a clever put-down.

Shetty, idolised throughout the Indian sub-continent and beyond, is only the latest celebrity to discover that fame cannot buy immediate acceptance. Cultural differences are mountainous hurdles that are difficult to overcome at any age. And now that she has set the precedent of allowing her bullies more oxygen, the abuse aimed at her will only intensify.

If she were less demure and a little more argumentative — a street-smart and opinionated thirtysomething from the East End of London, for example — her three persecutors would never have had the guts to take her on. But the fact that she admits to a loathing of confrontation will encourage her housemates.

We know, though, that Shetty has been tough enough to climb to the top of the notoriously competitive Bollywood industry. She also has a black belt in karate. Now might be the time for her to put some of those devastating moves to good use.
 
 

Hello and welcome to the second edition of the Fuel Cell Today Company Spotlight newsletter. This quarterly newsletter will provide a chance for all of our Company Spotlight members to update our readers with their latest news and developments.

Bac2 manufactures low-cost bipolar plates for PEM and DM Fuel Cells utilising composites based on its unique ElectroPhen conductive polymer. We recently supplied plate samples to a customer using a new, more conductive formulation of ElectroPhen. Combining graphite and reinforcers with ElectroPhen creates the optimum combination of conductivity, strength and weight for each application. Room-temperature, low-pressure curing enables rapid and cost-effective production of very large quantities of plates. Bac2 Company Profile

Carbolite is a manufacturer and supplier of laboratory and industrial chamber and tube furnaces, ovens and incubators. The portfolio offered by Carbolite includes both laboratory chamber furnaces and tube furnaces to 1800°C. Carbolite also offers an extensive range of pilot plant and industrial furnaces and industrial ovens for various heat treatment applications. Carbolite Company Profile

fuelcellmaterials.com, a division of NexTech Materials, provides a convenient and cost-effective bridge between buyers and sellers of materials, components and supplies for fuel cells and fuel processing with unsurpassed technical expertise and customer support. Working closely with our customers we produce SOFC materials and components designed to meet specific needs with consistent high quality. We are featuring new SOFC test fixtures, PEM test stacks and fuel processing catalysts. fuelcellmaterials.com Company Profile

Micromeritics manufactures a broad line of automated analytical laboratory instruments that measure the physical characteristics of powders and solids for fundamental research, product development, quality assurance and control, production, and process control applications, including hydrogen storage. Physical characteristics determined include: particle size, surface area, pore volume, pore size and pore size distribution, absolute density, envelope density, and bulk density, catalytic activity, active surface area, and strength of adsorption sites. Micromeritics Company Profile

NedStack fuel cell technology B.V. develops and manufactures multipurpose fuel cell stacks and new BOP components with a power range from 1 kW up to 100 kW. The company concentrates on the development of Proton Exchange Membrane (PEM) fuel cells. NedStack produces its own bipolar composite, low-cost, cell plates, and develops direct Balance Of Plant (BOP) components, such as integrated cathode humidifier, cell voltage monitoring and hydrogen recirculation. NedStack Company Profile

Niagara Thermal designs and manufactures heat transfer fin for fuel cell stacks. Niagara Thermal also designs and manufactures specialised heat exchangers used in the fuel cell systems to cool or heat the various process streams. Niagara Thermal utilises an uncommonly broad selection of materials, manufacturing processes and tolerances to maximise the operating efficiency of its products. Efficient process planning offers the flexibility to produce large or small orders at an affordable price. Niagara Thermal Company Profile

PWAC an alternative energy company, has developed a commercially viable Zinc-Air Fuel Cell ("ZAFC") technology that generates reliable, environmentally sustainable, zero emission energy for portable, stationary, light mobility, and transportation applications. PWAC will demonstrate its "indoor generator" at expositions in early 2007. With Terra Nova Capital Partners raising institutional financing and it's partnerships with Schrader-Bridgeport and H-Plus Group engaged in the commercialisation and distribution, PWAC is quickly reaching critical milestones. PWAC Company Profile

Fuel Cell Today will be exhibiting at the forthcoming FC Expo in Japan from February 7th - 9th. The Fuel Cell Today stand (booth 8-30) will be displaying marketing material on behalf of our Spotlight members, please drop by to collect a brochure. For further information about the Company Spotlight please visit our stand at the Expo or contact David Round at: davidr@sunbeammedia.co.uk or telephone: +44 (0)20 8773 9944.

Marcia Cross Must Stay In Bed Because She’s Too Full Of Babies

After a woeful second season, it's commonly thought thatDesperate Housewives really hit its stride again in season three, or at least it did until the ginger one from Desperate Housewives was ordered to stay in bed because she's dangerously full of babies.

Marcia Cross is pregnant with twins. This alone must have made it difficult to film Marcia's Desperate Housewives scenes without her belly suddenly expanding and knocking a vase of the mantelpiece, or without a jet of breast milk shooting out of her nipples and getting Teri Hatcher in the eye, but now filming Marcia Cross has just become almost impossible, because a doctor has ordered Marcia Cross to stay in bed until she stops being so chuffing pregnant. The Desperate Housewives producers are getting around this by filming Marcia Cross' remaining scenes in bed, which - given that the last time Marcia Cross was in bed on Desperate Housewives she was having cunnilingus performed on her - should be a real thrill for all those middle-aged, ginger and heavily pregnant porn fetishists out there.

There always seems to be a constant struggle amongst the Desperate Housewives ladies about who can get in the press the most. Some of them are useless - getting nominated for an Oscar? Becoming engaged to Michael Bolton? Please - but some of them are slightly more competitive. Teri Hatcher, for example, is happy to put shards of glass in her eye and talk about van sex to get more publicity, but she's always outfoxed by Eva Longoria who can bust up her body, brag about her bald genitals and then get engaged to some bloke for good measure.

But Marcia Cross… Marcia Cross blows them all out of the water. If Marcia Cross isn't taking naked pictures of herself and leaving them laying around, she's getting married or having people coo over her lovely hair. And if Marcia Cross isn't doing any of those then she's getting pregnant. And not just your normal pregnant, either - Marcia Cross got pregnant with twins. Twins so enormous that she's not even allowed to stand up any more, as Reuters reports:

Marcia Cross, who is expecting twins, has been placed on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy, forcing production of her hit TV show to shift into her real-life living room. At the end of this week, the "Housewives" production crew will take over the downstairs of Cross' west Los Angeles home for two days to shoot the last two episodes that she was planning to appear in this season, an ABC network spokesman said on Wednesday. Cross, 44, moved into the house just months ago with her stockbroker husband, Tom Mahoney, whom she married in June of last year. Her publicist, Heidi Slan, confirmed that doctors had placed Cross on bed rest last week, but added, "This is a precautionary move only" due to her pregnancy with twins.

While this new development means that there's going to be a lot of fun trying to spot which Desperate Housewives scenes were filmed in a set and which were filmed in Marcia Cross' own house, we're near-certain that Marcia Cross won't approve of the new neighbour moved into her street to add realism into the scenes - it's a bit-part actor who runs around with his penis exposed.

US President George W Bush has robustly defended his new Iraq policy, telling a TV interviewer that congressional opponents would not weaken his resolve.

Mr Bush told CBS show 60 Minutes that failure in Iraq would strengthen Iran and pose a threat to world peace.

Both houses of Congress, now controlled by Democrats, say they will vote on the plan to send more troops into Iraq.

Vice-President Dick Cheney hit out at opponents, saying Congress would not succeed in running "war by committee".

Mr Cheney became the latest senior member of the Bush administration to explicitly criticise Iran for allegedly destabilising the situation in Iraq.

He urged the Iranians to "keep their folks at home", referring to US suspicions that Iran's Revolutionary Guard is active in Iraq training and arming Shia militants.

Cheney support

In his CBS interview, broadcast at primetime on Sunday evening, the president also took a tough line on Iran, and said he had considered all options before opting to send more troops to Iraq.

Those options included beginning a withdrawal, Mr Bush said.

"And not only in Iraq, but failure in Iraq will embolden the enemy. And the enemy is al-Qaeda and extremists. Failure in Iraq would empower Iran, which poses a significant threat to world peace. "

Mr Cheney offered strong support to Mr Bush, praising his determination over Iraq.

"He's the one who has to make these tough decisions. He's the guy who's got to decide how to use the force and where to deploy the force.

Mr Cheney, who has stayed out of the limelight in recent months, criticised congressional opponents - either Democrats or Republicans - who he said had not yet offered any coherent alternative policy on Iraq.

The biggest boost to enemies of the US, Mr Cheney said, would be to give up because the war had become too difficult.

"They're convinced that the United States will pack it in and go if they just kill enough of us."

Iraqi disquiet

Mr Bush and Mr Cheney joined Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley in speaking out publicly against Iran.

But the Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari warned that growing tensions between Iran and the US have left Iraq treading a "thin line".

"The Iraqi government has national interests of its own," Mr Zebari said.

"We can't change the geographical reality that Iran is our neighbour. This is a delicate balance and we are treading a very thin line."

As well as public pronouncements, senior officials are already holding talks with allies on the new policy.

Defence Secretary Robert Gates is in the UK for talks on Afghanistan and Iraq, while Ms Rice is part-way through a week-long diplomatic tour of the Middle East.

Children's author and illustrator Beatrix Potter may've had a penchant for fluffy bunnies and bonnet-donning ducks, but Renée Zellweger plays her like a bull in a silk bustle in Miss Potter. It's perfect casting for this charming and inspiring story of a woman who strains against her corseted existence in the 1900s, to fulfil a childhood dream. Chris Noonan (who last directed Babe) conveys all the whimsy of her inner world, although apparently, at the expense of major supporting characters.

Ewan McGregor is delightfully gawky as Potter's publisher and secret beau Norman Warne, but his own struggle to earn the respect of family and peers is glossed over. It feels remiss, since the romance between Potter and Warne frames the story. Naturally, as an aspiring female artist in a society where marriage is valued above all else, Potter has a steeper mountain to climb, and there's plenty of drama along the way. There are cheeky laughs too, often courtesy of Potter's mother (Barbara Flynn), aka, the Mrs Bucket of 1900s London. Again though, the script doesn't peel away the surface frills.

"A GUARANTEED TEARJERKER"

It's the combination of Zellweger's charismatic, scrubbed face turn and Noonan's empathy for Potter's streak of silliness that wins the day. As she sketches Peter Rabbit and Jemima Puddleduck, they spring to life in enchanting animation. But these magic moments are also a poignant reminder of the loneliness that plagues Potter who repeatedly insists, "They are my friends". The film is a guaranteed tearjerker, but more than that, an uplifting tribute to a single woman's quest for independence that would surely make Bridget Jones blush.

Indeed, while President George Bush's speech last week was focused largely on Iraq and the need for a new security plan in Baghdad, one of its notable aspects was its uncompromising tone towards Iran.

Rhetorically, Mr Bush had the Iranian government firmly in his sights. Now there are indications that Washington's tougher words are being matched by a range of practical steps to bring further pressure on Tehran.

Just a few weeks ago, when the bipartisan Iraq Study Group published its report in Washington, one of its central recommendations was that the Bush administration should engage diplomatically with Syria and Iran.

Tehran, so the argument goes, through its close alliance with key Shia factions both inside and outside the Iraqi government, has an important finger in the Iraqi pie.

What could be more logical then than to try to win Tehran over - to seek a deal, hoping, at least, to curtail or constrain Iran's influence?

Pressure on all fronts

President Bush shares this analysis of Iran's role but not the recommended answer of engagement.

Indeed his comments mark a toughening of the US position - a clear sign that Washington now intends to confront Iran's growing influence in Iraq.

"Iran," said the president, "is providing material support for attacks on American troops... We will interrupt the flow of support from Iran and Syria, and we will seek out and destroy the networks providing advanced weaponry and training to our enemies in Iraq."

Within hours of the president's speech, US forces raided an Iranian office in Irbil in northern Iraq and detained five staff members.

This undoubtedly signals a ratcheting up of pressure on the Iranians, pressure which is already being applied on a number of other fronts.

Limited economic sanctions against Iran's nuclear programme have been backed by the UN Security Council in New York.

The United States is pressing its closest allies to apply additional sanctions of their own and is leading the way, by - last week, for example - black-listing Iran's fifth-largest bank, alleging that it is involved in financing Iran's missile programmes.

Overt military pressure is also being applied. An additional US aircraft carrier and its accompanying strike group has been deployed to the region.

The message is clear. Both on the nuclear front and in Iraq, Mr Bush seems intent on rolling back Iran's growing influence.

Nuclear strike?

Another straw in the wind is the lively public debate in Israel on the desirability or otherwise of a potential strike on Iran's nuclear sites - perhaps even using tactical nuclear weapons.

Serious strategic analysts question if Israel really has the means to mount the kind of long-range, week-long air campaign that might be needed to significantly damage Iran's nuclear infrastructure.

But the discussion, orchestrated by more hawkish voices, serves a purpose - again it is an effort to step up the pressure on Tehran.

So can the new US strategy succeed?

There are those who strongly back the toughening US stand against Iranian influence in Iraq.

One leading Sunni politician, Iraq's Vice-President Tariq al-Hashimi, says that Iran has "a deep and exceptional influence" in his country's affairs, something he wants to see much reduced.

But, of course, that is not how many Shia politicians see it, and the detention of the Iranian officials is straining ties between Washington and the Iraqi government at a very inconvenient moment.

Future unclear

So much, then, for Iraq, where the tougher US stand towards Iran looks like creating as many problems as it seeks to resolve.

What about the broader impact on Tehran's regional ambitions?

It is not clear yet how successful the new US approach will be. Bilateral economic sanctions by America's friends could potentially concentrate minds in Tehran, though it is far from clear how many countries are willing to go down this path.

The fluctuating rumours of ill-health surrounding Iran's Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei could also complicate the picture - prompting either a step back from confrontation or more abrasive rhetoric.

Washington's intentions, too, are far from clear. Is Mr Bush seeking to encourage greater pragmatism on the part of the Iranians? Or is this simply the prelude to a more comprehensive attack?

Whether or not the Bush speech represents a new strategy towards Iraq is still a matter of debate. But it decidedly signalled a more muscular US approach towards Iran.

If you're looking for a way to keep the romance in your relationship this Valentines Day, them follow our hints and tips below to let your partner know just how much you care!

Buy tickets to their favourite kind of film. Whether it be science fiction, romance or a thriller, by showing willingness to compromise you will not only gain their respect, but you'll get to see exactly what you want next time you go to the cinema!

Check in the TV guide when your partner's favourite programme is on and put it on before they ask, even if you hate it! By giving them their own way, you can have your own way later – just make sure they know that before you watch the whole show!

Book a hotel or bed and breakfast at their favourite place and keep them blindfolded until you get there. Spend the day doing exactly what they want, a day of dedicated pleasure is priceless!

If you haven't much money, prepare a picnic of all their favourite food and drink and take them somewhere you can be alone. Even if it's just your room with the door locked, light some candles and play some romantic music and enjoy the time together.

Buy your partner flowers. Men enjoy receiving flowers as much as women so pick out a bunch that mean what you want to say.

Just as your partner leaves for a night out with their friends, give them the most passionate kiss you've ever given them. They'll spend the whole night thinking about you and wishing they were at home with you!

When you know your partner has had a particularly tiring day run them a bubble bath, pour them a drink and warm them a towel. To give them an extra relaxing experience, offer to cook dinner or wash up - this will guarantee a place in their good books!

Offer to read your partner a chapter of the book they are currently reading. Make sure the lights are dimmed and you're both snuggled up in bed, just be careful not to fall asleep!

Teaching tenses

The question

Zia Bhathena, India
I am relatively a new entry into teaching English for corporate companies. I always have difficulty in introducing and teaching tenses.

Everyone is looking for a sort of formula to learn tenses. Is it better to give them few facts that go with particular tenses? (e.g. General truths are always mentioned in the Simple present tense). This is difficult since there are not too many of them.

What's your opinion

Israel Jayakaran, India
I feel the approach would be more positive if we adopt the formula method for teaching the tenses. The recommended formula is:

Subject + Auxiliary +Verb. In short S+A+V.

We identify the tense by looking at the "Auxiliary + Verb" combination and not just by looking at the timing of the activity. According to my research the English language uses 18 tenses because there are 18 such A+V combinations and they are not repeated. The A+V combination has a definite relationship with the Subject. Once a learner remembers the S+A+V rules for each tense, he/she can never make any mistakes in the grammar part of a sentence.

Next, we need to tell the learners, for what purpose / situation each tense is to be used. In this, there is no question of pairing up some tenses. Every tense is unique. In a few cases only, we may use more than one tense for the same activity. So, tackle each tense separately.

R.V.V.G.Dattu, India
If I were you, at the time of introduction I should not say anything about the topic. I would tell the participants a short narrative joke. Now I would write a few sentences (4 sentences) from this joke on the board leaving some gaps for the participants to fill in with the appropriate verbs. (Of course, I would not use any grammatical terminology at this point.)Without commenting anything on aspect, I would elicit the tense and time reference from the participants. Then, I would write these comments next to the sentences on the board. Even without my comments, the participants would come to realize that there is some difference between 'time' and 'tense'. Then developing the other part of the lesson from thse comments would be easy. Even those participants who listen to you for the first time, would tell you that they enjoy this introductory part very much. This unconcious learning would set the right mood for the participants for learning the other part of the lesson. I would not be surprised if you say, after a few days, that this is the lesson you like most.

Charanjit Singh, India
I have seen that teachers often use formulas to teach tenses. I am aware that this works in a bilingual environment but I am not sure that it is the right thing to do. I want to share my experience which has given very good results.

First, we must avoid things like "We will cover the tenses today" (and then going on to unload what we know about tenses). Deal with tenses in pairs-Simple present and present continuous, present perfect and past continuous and then simple past and past perfect. This is mainly to bring out the relation and the differences between them.

Next is the teaching bit. I follow methods according to the level of the students. One is a question-answer technique. You ask a question so that the student can easily answer using the correct tense. "What are you doing now / these days?" will inevitably get answered with something like "I am writing a letter or I am studying English." One must clearly bring out the difference between use of 'will' and 'present continuous' when talking about the future.

Another effective method is to play situations. Describe your first day at your job - What happened? How did you arrive? What were the others doing? One must clearly bring out the differences between the tenses. The students also need to be told about the thumb rules (unfortunately there are so few of them that one has to improvise!). Tell them places where present participle is sparingly used (state / sense verbs). Give out the basic rules for use of tenses (Present progressive for NOW / Around NOW and for the Planned Future). The students should know these rules properly so that they are able to correct their mistakes. For practice, ask the students to give out jokes, stories, experiences and keep correcting them. They will learn the correct use and association of the tenses. Tenses for fresh learners takes a long time. One needn't get disheartened if one finds the students unable to grasp simple looking tenses!

Lubna, Egypt
I work as an English teacher for adults. Actually, I see that teaching grammar in the sense of rules as you mentioned in your question is very difficult and make the students get bored. Plus, it does not help them to gain accuracy when they come to talk. With grammar, I found out that the more interesting you make it, the more benefit your students are. I use two ways and they are working fine. First, use timelines to show them the tenses. In such a way they will understand the usage of the tense rather than memorising the uses. I use the timeline to teach past perfect. First, I ask them to tell me two things they did yesterday, then I draw a timeline. Next, I ask them which happened first, then I present the past perfect.

8 o'clock ---------- 9 o'clock

I had been to work. I ate breakfast.

The other way is using stories or situations to show them the tense. If you are teaching them present tense, you can tell them a story about your daily routine, give them a recipe for a dish, or tell them about your job responsibilities, etc... Then try to elicit from them rather than lecturing.

Deniz Alptekin, Turkey
As a teacher, I think it is important to explain the main focuses of the tenses, like duration of the action or the action itself, and to give some contextual examples based on the tense. If so, students can understand them better.

Asep Koswara, Indonesia
When I first teach English tenses, I begin by describing the activities that people do, for example; everyday activities, past activities and future activities. At the same time I draw the chart of time on the board showing when those activities happen. After the learners understand this basic concept, I write the conjugation of the verbs, for instance 'did' for past and 'do' for present. Then I write full sentence on the board. After that, I ask the learners / students to do the same thing with other verbs. I do this with my students and they feel easy to understand the tenses without teaching them tenses directly.

Kapil Dev Regmi, Nepal
Yes, I also feel difficulty in making them understand the tenses when they contrasts with each other. On the one hand it is not so good to make them learn the structures of tenses without giving them the function they serve in conveying message. My next try especially to the students of middle school was to teach the structures along with the examples. In both of the attempts I got partial success. Now I won't give them any structure or the explanation of the rules, rather I write examples of a single sentence in twelve tense forms. Drill them and ask them to change other 2 - 3 simple sentences in 12 tense forms. Then I give them structures and comes the explanation of the rules and situations in which these tenses can be used.

George Steed, Polska
Tenses can be considered an abstract idea or a factual notion. Some argue that there is no such thing. However English does use and denote time references. Perhaps you could start with the 'be' word and its forms posting ideas of yesterday and today. Example: I am. I was. Question: Is there or is there not a 'future tense'? I often use a clock, showing now time and then referring sentences about it.

George Alex, Bulgaria
I have been teaching corporate students for almost ten years. I can understand you have some hard time with them since these people are business-minded and they need to find some logic (at least most of them). It is a good idea to link the tense use to some specific example but I would recommend that you tell them the truth and motivate them by repeating it as often as it takes - English grammar is wonderfully well structured, you just need time to get hold of it and use it properly. Everyone wants a quick shortcut but the truth is you need time to learn and start using properly.

Eugenia Papaioannou, Greece
Teaching tenses is not difficult if you:

1. Use examples from your student's real life. Imaginary examples do not help much (e.g. If you ask a 10-year-old to write about a doctor's routine, they will not respond - not because they do not know how to use the present simple but simply because they do not have the culture/experience/vocabulary needed to do so. Instead, if you ask them to describe their friends' / neighbours' routine they will respond better because they live within this context and they have experience in this.

2. Present tenses methodically and in a certain order (Present tenses, past tenses, future tenses, perfect tenses) and stick to the same order when you teach the same class further structures such as passive voice / indirect speech.

3. Introduce tenses first by writing examples and working on them in class. After your students have had enough practice, then you can refer to theory, not the other way round.

4. Use only English, not their mother tongue (grammar behaves differently in each language and this should be respected because translation into the mother tongue can confuse them at the cost of both languages.

5. Use time lines to demonstrate PRESENT, PAST, FUTURE.

6. At warm-up phase discuss your students' activities to practise tenses in a more relaxing way (what film they saw the night before, what they are planning for the weekend, What they have already done that day etc.). Correct them by reinforcement and DON'T show that you are testing them!

7. After you have presented a certain tense use flashcards / pictures depicting scenes (in town / in the countryside) and ask your students to work in pairs and describe the activities shown. Write clear instructions on the board (e.g. Look at this picture / scene and talk to each other about what these people were doing yesterday at 6 p.m. Write a small paragraph describing their activities). Then collect all papers and put them up on the board. Ask them to go to the board and read their friends' paper. Can they suggest any corrections? In this way you expose them to more reading practice and you give them a responsibility which they love, especially the young learners.

Teaching tenses can be fun if you focus on your students' experience first, present things in a nice way (NOT from the books) and practise following the same pattern before you open the coursebooks to do the exercises. At present I teach a small class of lawyers at the beginners level. To practise tenses in the first 30 minutes of each session we have conversation about: a) What cases they had the previous days, b) What the result of the hearings was, c) What kind of new clients they had met that day, d) What new cases they are working on, etc. In this way they are very pleased because they practise the language they are learning, they use specific vocabulary and when need arises I add more and more vocabulary while they talk.

Teaching tenses can be fun if you have the right attitude.

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